Thoughts on the Subject
by Megan Faye
Summary: House's POV during a few important scenes with Cameron. Rewrite and added a few Season one scenes. Just got season one on DVD. Language not for younger people.


Title: Thoughts on the Subject

Author: Megan Faye

Rated: T for language

Disclaimer: Don't own.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

"Dr. Cameron's getting to you. Well, I guess you can't be around that much niceness and not get any one you." Wilson is rambling on about something useless once more. I wish the damned elevator would get here.

"Is that why you haven't put the moves on her?" I asked. That'll throw him. Maybe he'll shut up and I can think about my patient.

"What makes you think I haven't put the moves on her?" WAHT? I do believe I shall kill him where he stands! He could have _ANY_ woman he wants, why _her_? She's too nice for a cheating basterd like Jimmy! "Oh! Oh, BOY! You're in trouble!" Great. He was teasing, and I lay all my fucking cards on the table. Just Perfect. Well...he'd have figured it out sooner or later...

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

"What's up?" Cameron noticed me instantly. I guess the cane is a dead give-away. Step Thump, step fucking thump. Perhaps it was the door. No, its the cane. Its all anyone can see anymore. Crippled Dr. House.

"You...like me." God, she's hot. There is No way she Actually likes me. "Why?"

"That's kind of a Sad question." I'm kind of a sad excuse of a person.

"Just trying to figure out what makes you tick. I am not all warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by Grandma." And I want to be the boy Granny gives it to, to cuddle and hold all night. I'd give my Good leg for one kiss right now. That red shirt she's wearing is teasing me...too much. I can smell her damned perfume from here!

"I don't think that's why you're asking. I think that this is because of the speech." Liar! You Won't answer, you delfect! You don't like me, you think I'm a good lay in bed. Young woman with the old man. This is NOT going where it should!

"Oh, God, don't try and pick me apart."

"Then why are you asking? What do you want to hear?" I want to hear that you think that even though I'm a bastard, I'm sexy, funny, and there is good in me. Granted, it would be a lie. Everybody lies. Mainly to themselves. I can't even look her in the eyes. She has such beautiful eyes. God, I need a Vicodin.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

I knew I'd be fired, but I can't stand Vogler. I dream about his death, often. At least with my piano here to keep me company, no one gets hurt. I want Cameron.

When I hear a knock on the door, I try to pretend I don't. Its late, I need space. Whoever it is, is still knocking, so I'll see who wants to die with Vogler tonight. Cameron. Good, no blood on my floors. Their nice wood. I need to compose myself better before I let her in. She looks so sad. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"I'm Sorry. I should have just taken a couple of extra Vicodin and just held my nose." Joke. Very good. She likes jokes. Still tense. Dammit.

"I'm guessing you did take a couple extra Vicodin." She took it. Things better.

"True." Still getting better...

"You don't need to worry about Firing anyone. I'm leaving." And there we go. The catch. Wait. Did she say-? Oh, no. No no no no NO! DAMMIT! Please just be cruel joke. God, don't you dare take her away from me, too!

"Why? is this another noble self-sacrificing gesture? Trying to protect Foremen?" I'll fire him. I'll fire CUDDY! Someone will be leaving, Not her. Anyone but Allison.

"No."

"So this is just "Don't fire me, I quit." I can talk her out of this.

"I'm protecting myself." Me. Its because of me. I will Not cry with her Like I did Stacy. "You asked me why I like you. You're abrasive and rude." I knew it was just too good to be true. I'll do anything she asks to get her to stay. I know its no good. She's too good for me. "But I figure everything you do, you do it to help people. But I was wrong." Am I that big of a dick?" You do it because its right." I heard more hatred in her voice than I ever want to hear. "There are only two ways I can deal with things. One is in my control. That's to leave." She wants to shake my hand. Out of what? Respect? Pity? I can't. I can't even look at her. It hurts too much. Please don't leave, I want to yell. "Goodbye House." And she's leaving.

I need a drink. If I move from this spot, its real. If I stand here long enough, maybe she'll come back...I need a drink.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

"I already accept a position somewhere else." I can talk her out of this. I think.

"With who?" PPTH is the best hospital in Jersey. No WAY she could find a better position. I hope. She smells so good. I wish Wilson was right. I wish her niceness could rub off on me.

"Yule at Jefferson." That guy? She's too good for that job."

"Unaccepted," I threw at her. I can't let her go.

"Why?"

"Because Yule is Boring. and he's pedantic and preachy. Because he's short!" I can't lose her again. "Because I want you to come back." I need you to come back. I almost whispered the last part. It was hard to admit, but I need to open up a little. I want her back in my life. She's more than just a good doctor, she's a damn great one, and sh'e the Only reason I haven't killed myself yet. She's my Vicodin...my Other Vicodin.

"Not...good enough." Damn. Hardball. I hate hardball.

"You..want more money? Car allowence? Better parking space?" A guy who loves you who can't admit to you that he loves you. I can do that! See, I'm doing it right now!

"Dinner And not just a meal between two collegues. A Date." Oh, God. She...I want to...Need to answer. Shit...words.. breath. Breath. Okay.

"You'll come back to work if I go out on a date with you." Please don't be a joke. PLEASE don't be a joke.

"Yes," she said. She said Yes. That means its not a joke. She still has warm fuzzy feelings for me. It looks good on her. Everything looks good on her. Everything would probably look better off of her.

"Okay. Its a deal." I Got me a date with a hottie.

"See you tomorrow morning," she said. Her voice is soft. I wonder what she'd do if I kissed her here. She'd love it...but I can't. Not until I know she won't leave.

"Don't be late," I hear myself saying to her.

"I wont." She's never late. Thank GOD in Heaven Above me, she's back. And the door shuts in my face. Win some, ya lose some. I need a drink.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

I picked really bad time to open my mouth and spew forth the truth. Basically, I'm lucky she didn't get up in the middle of ordering dinner and walk out.

"Well, good for you. News Flash, Doc, we're all damaged. We all have baggage. A wise woman once said "I'm just looking for baggage that goes with mine."

"That woman also said, "No day But today." I'd seen the movie. Some things rang true in it. What I really wanted to do was go for a walk, get a hot dog, and Not wear a tie. My father wears ties.

"House, can you just attempt to be a normal person for 5 minutes?"

"I'll try."

"You have a woman who is nearly half your age sitting across from you. She's reasonably nice-looking, dressed nicely, and smiling at you. She happens to find you quite sexy; its the eyes. No woman would be able to resist such blue eyes. She thinks you are funny, smart, sexy, and has respect for your work. What do you do?" Throw caution to the wind, take her home to meet mom and dad, and pray she's not a lesbian.

"I ask her is she is delusional." Allison stood. "Wait," I begged.

"What?"

"I would ask her to dance if I could. Since I can't I'd ask her what kind of music she likes." Allison sat back down. She was happy with that answer.

"I like Indigo Girls."

"Are you a lesbian?" I mentally kicked myself for that one. "Sorry. Continue."

"I really enjoy classic folk-rock. I could listen Mama Cass for hours. I did as a child." She smiled at me. I felt the corners of my mouth curl upwards. "Although, my favorite would have to be Elton John. I'd give anything to go to a concert."

"I like his music," I said. I would give my good leg to be front row at one of his concerts. "Maybe we could go to the next concert he does." Her eyes brightened up. Too far. I don't want to give her hope. "Listen, Cameron," I started.

"Don't." She stood. "The sarcasm said enough."

"When?"

"You don't like him. No reason to tease me about it." Cameron stood again to leave.

"Did it occur to you that I was serious? I actually Like Elton John?"

"Name 3 of his songs," she dared.

"My favorites are Tiny Dancer, Holiday Inn, and Country Comfort. However, his best were Your Song, I'm Still Standing, and Good Bye Yellow Brick Road." Six should keep her at the table. "And no, I didn't get those from Wilson. I own the old records. Not CD's, Record."

"I'm sorry."

"What I was going to say is, Nothing here looks good to me. You don't want me to be someone I'm not, then let's go get a hot dog in the park and take a walk. Its still a date, and we're not stuck with an audience." She nodded, and stood.

"Don't bother. I'd rather go home." DAMMIT! I suck at life.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

"Dr. House?" came the kind voice of Dr. Allison Cameron. I would know her voice anywhere. Shit, I hear it enough here, enough that I dream of her telling me she'll give me one more chance in my dreams. "How's he doing?"

"Never Better," I said. Why can't I just be myself? I love this girl, but...there's no way she'd love me. All that would happen is she'd say she loved me, be with me, maybe even have sex with me. Eventually, she would get bored and leave. She's staring at me, and I know what she's thinking. I'm a total fuck-up, and she feels sorry for me.

"I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn love me. Its okay. I'm happy for you." Allison Cameron started to walk off. I wanted to tell her she is wrong I can love her. I DO love her. I just can't...I would rather have her hate me now, before she knows I love her, than have her love me, and leave again.She left once, she'll leave again.

I'd rather just not deal with the high of being happy. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I just don't want the pain of being alone after she left. As I said; I Suck at Life.

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_

_**Fox Owns House**_


End file.
